Totally awesome stuff you didn’t see because of Facebook’s stupid algorithm 5/10 – 5/16

Now the Friday wrap-up is programmed into my phone so I can’t forget it. Unless it’s like birth control, which is also programmed into my phone; in that case I’ll still forget it all the damn time and end up doubling up the next day. But that doesn’t work with Friday wrap-ups DOES IT and besides, you’re not supposed to do that. 

Anyway, here’s the weekly wrap-up of all the awesome crap you missed because Facebook is a greedy corporate whore-monger:

On Saturday, we took my mother-in-law to Epcot to celebrate Mother’s Day (I know, right? Slow claps are totally welcome. Go ahead. I’ll wait.) 

All done? Okay.

Since I knew I wouldn’t be home to play on Facebook all day, I scheduled some funny stuff:

On the drive home from Epcot, I was trying to figure out whether my husband is a terrible driver or if I’m just turning into one of those little old ladies who keeps inexplicably grabbing her armrests every time she rides in a car. 

It’s probably a little of both.

He was falling asleep though, and after reading several of my blog-posts about him aloud, I ran out of crap to talk about. So: 

I was all, “Staaaaaay awaaaaaaaaaaake. Don’t faaaaaaaaaaaall asleeeeeeeeeeeep.” One person asked if I would make a video. If more of you had asked, I might have done it. You really missed out and you’ve only yourselves to blame.

Then I posted this from Baby Sideburns: 

I’m probably going to make everyone at BlogU really uncomfortable when I can’t stop staring adoringly at Karen Alpert (Baby Sideburns) like this:

She’ll be like, “OMG, Kristen. Get a fucking grip.

Oh sorry, we were supposed to be talking about Facebook.

On Sunday, Mari gave me the perfect Mother’s Day gift of being her usual awesome self: 

#Okay

#WasNotExpectingThat

#Kids

#HappyMothersDay

And then I posted the following, not having any idea of the chaos it would lead to:

6) Husband has gone to the store to buy Mimosa stuff.

So far, so good. How’s your Mother’s Day going? 

#HappyMothersDay

Many comments came from moms whose husbands hadn’t done anything to encourage their kids to give their mom a nice Mother’s Day or anything whatsoever to give her a day of relaxation. It made me really sad.

Later, I posted this funny:

Now that’s love.

Meanwhile, I was still getting private messages from moms who’d had crappy Mother’s Days. Mine was pretty smashingly awesome, and it made me mad that there were all these husbands out there who weren’t stepping up to give the mother of their children a day of rest, pampering, shopping, or whatever trifling thing she’d asked for. Something, ya know? So… I wrote a thing: To the stupid lazy husbands who can’t figure out Mother’s Day…

And I pissed some people off. Especially when it was posted at Mamapedia.com. But it needed to be said. The main complaint I got from the naysayers was that Mother’s Day is supposed to be about your mother, not your wife. But… your wife is the MOTHER of your children. How in the world could Mother’s Day NOT be about her? WHY DOES THIS NOT MAKE SENSE TO PEOPLE????

I’m still a little pissed. 

I got a little comic relief on Monday: 

And: 

Seems like it should be obvious, huh.

Lots of people liked this one:

Stand with your legs 18 inches apart and there ya go: Thigh Gap.

On Wednesday I discovered I have cellulite in my arms. IN MY ARMS????

WTF????

It was totally just the lighting.

And more confirmation that Lucas is a genius. (Maybe):

Yesterday my kids had this argument:

And I ended the day with:

Someone commented: “TMI,” and I thought:

Seriously. She should read the post I wrote about shaving my hoo-ha.