For Mother’s Day, I wanted the day off. I wanted my husband to do all the crap I normally do so I wouldn’t have to do any of it. Basically, I wanted to not be a mom for a day, which is ironic considering the holiday is called “Mother’s Day.” But he did it. He did everything I not-so-subtly hinted at for two weeks beforehand and then some. Honestly, he overachieved the shit out of Mother’s Day and now I’m a little freaked out that I won’t be able to make his Father’s Day just as awesome.

There’s nothing I can do to give him a “day off” from being a father, because… well, I kinda already do 90% of the parenting around here anyway. That’s just a cold hard fact. He parents, but we’re talking piggy-back rides and getting the kids a cup of juice at dinnertime because I growled at him over the meat I was cutting into tiny bite-sized portions to go ahead and feel free to help out a little, wouldja? He’s totally confused about all that day-to-day maintenance stuff and has basically submitted to doing whatever I tell him to. It works for us.

As for all the other stuff he does, like going to work all day to shake the shit out of big, expensive stuff that may or may not go into outer space (he’s a vibrations engineer; make whatever assumptions you must about his expertise with regards to his skill at “vibrating” stuff), maintaining our cars, fixing crap that broke around the house, seeding, weeding, and mowing the lawn, doing all the techie jobs around the house, or grilling the best damn steak you’ve ever tasted… well, I have no idea how to do any of that.

I have no idea how to turn on the grill, and, quite frankly, I’m scared of it. Isn’t that tank underneath combustible? If anyone could find a way to blow up a neighborhood trying to grill a steak, it would be me. I can’t give my husband a break on the techie stuff because in my mind, the solution to internet connectivity problems is crying. And the cars… well let’s just say the car I drove in college died because I forgot to change the oil. For three years. But I still want to do something nice for him.

Obviously I can’t go to his work and take over his job for the day; that’s not even up for debate. Even if I were allowed, I probably wouldn’t be able to figure out how to open the door to the building he works in; it’s super-fancy because engineers like to make everything difficult. And forget about mowing the lawn, because I can’t even get the lawn mower started much less push it over our fluffy floritam sod. I promise, I have tried.

All of this pathetic inability on my part to handle anything that is stereotypically a man’s job tells us two important things:

1) I am clearly not as big of a feminist as I thought I was, and

2) I would be lost without my husband.

I know I’m talking a lot about what a good husband he is when I’m supposed to be talking about what a great father his is, because Father’s Day, but this is how my husband does being a good father: he’s a good husband, he works hard, he fixes things that are broken, and he gets shit done that needs to get done. I really don’t know what else I could ask for from this guy. The kids are lucky to have a dad who does so much.

Now that I’ve used up my sappy quota for the day, we must return to our original problem: I still don’t know what the heck I’m going to do to make his Father’s Day super-awesomely spectacular like my Mother’s Day was. Is it totally lame to fall back on the old stand-bys of BJs and beer? Hang on, lemme go ask my husband.

He says he’s fine with that.

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  1. Love it! And I suspect with the right training you could develop unshakable sh*t to go into outer space, too!

  2. I am TOTALLY with you on the lawn mower and the grill. I have no idea how to turn on the former, and I’m terrified to turn on the latter, lest it blow up and set our house on fire. Guess my husband will be getting BJs and beer for Father’s Day too (doubt I’ll hear any complaints…)

    • Yeah my 8yo knows how to turn on the grill. Another example of my husband being an awesome dad. He teaches the kid shit that he’s gonna need to know. Love it.

  3. Your husband and my husband share a brain. It’s the same one brain that all men share. BJ’s and beer. Duh to us silly females for thinking that anything else was needed (as a gift, I mean).

    • … But if he gets BJs and beer every night after the kids go to bed, it won’t be much of a father’s day present. I need more ideas!!!!

  4. I mowed the lawn a few weeks ago and it took me a half hour of trying to get it started and then getting the neighbor to help before I actually got it started. Stupid thing and don’t get me started about the grill. And my hubs freakin BUILT our kitchen, like cabinets and everything. Oh yeah and he takes care of the kids… he’s a keeper.

  5. This was awesome – very sweet of you. You must really like this guy! (BJs and beer, classic). 🙂

    • My husband actually just read this today and was like, “ummm I don’t think you should have put that part about the BJ in there…” I was like “WELL IS IT NOT TRUE???” He responded, ” … … … “


  6. Great post! Beer and BJs!! Lol!!! I am 99.9% sure most men would be okay with that set-up for father’s day…

    • I actually got the idea from a twitter argument I had with a daddy blogger about the “what moms really want” Mother’s Day post I did. =)

  7. My hubs goes all out on Mother’s Day…and then I feel like I fall short on Father’s Day because all he wants is cash to go buy his own stuff….guess he doesn’t trust my judgment, huh?

  8. Anonymous

    Read this on Mamapedia, Along with some of your other stuff. Man, people sure have a hard time understanding your humor. You seem to have the gift of pissing strangers off who, as far as I know, haven’t had a gun to their head to read what you write, or comment on it for that matter. Good on you! I am envious. I have been on my own with my kids for the last 16 years. I learned a lot and taught my girl a lot. We almost know who to call if something goes that we can’t tackle. My boy can sometimes find the cantalope that is cut in the container in the fridge. If it is really close to the front.

    • I *DO* seem to have a gift for pissing people off, don’t I? I’ll have to add that to my bio. 😉

  9. Hey! I made the list! Thanks. I was reading this to learn. Your reach is amazing!!! My PIWTPITT page does not do as well as my Pee Alone page. That one is growing like crazy because FB keeps recommending it. I have no idea how to get on that list though or else I would put PIWTPITT on it.

    • Somehow this comment ended up on my Father’s Day post but I know what you meant! 😉 Yeah I remember Hot Mess Mom was appearing on those “recommended pages” for a while and I thought “IS SHE PAYING???” but no, she never did. She has 500K fans. It’s not fair! *sobs into pillow*

  10. totally get this! So far, since I’ve been home in Alaskan sans masculine or even competent feminine help, I’ve discovered I’m a mewling (OK, not gonna repeat Loki’s comment to Black Widow!). I need help. I did finally figure out how to mow the lawn at mom’s house (she does not have a bagger thing, so this is good) and I did put together the ‘green house’ I wrote about in my blog somewhere. BUT, yeah. It is not easy to get things for guys. I did find a few things after Easter that were ‘toys’. But, since I’m not home, I figure it will have to do. PS-I love your writing!!!