The Summer of Too Many TV Shows – by Jenn Rose of Something Clever 2.0

If you find yourself getting sucked into series after series either on Netflix or DVR, you’ll be able to relate to what Jenn Rose of Something Clever 2.0 has to say today. She lives up to her blog name with everything she writes and I am always impressed with her aptitude for pulling whimsical adjectives of of her… well, just read, you’ll see what I mean:

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Ah, summer. Time to sit back and relax on the deck with a beer. Maybe throw something on the grill for dinner. Turn on the sprinklers for the kids, and waste the day away until the fireflies come out.

Yeah, not so much. Not for me, anyway. You see, I like TV. I mean, I like it a lot. I like it so much, in fact, that it’s even mentioned in my tagline. But I’m starting to worry that my DVR may be reaching maximum capacity.

Remember when there was nothing on TV in the summer except for reruns of The Monkees? Those were the days. You’d play outside all morning, come inside for a sandwich, daydream about marrying Davy and keeping Peter on the side (just me?) and that was it. That was your entire summer TV viewing schedule.

Not anymore. Now, summer is all about Rizzoli & Isles, Under the Dome, America’s Got Talent, and Pretty Little Liars. Hey, don’t judge! I bet you have a skeleton or two in your DVR. Ever watch The Bachelor? There you go. Glass houses, people. And look at all the adults these days who are reading Young Adult fiction like it ain’t no thing. It’s really not much of a stretch for an adult to watch Young Adult Murder Mystery No Wait She Faked Her Death or Did She or Didn’t She I Don’t Know Anymore But Would You Get a Load of That Outfit shows that are based on a Young Adult fiction series. Right? Right.

That alone would be enough to keep your average person pretty busy. Hell, just the other day, I had to do some pretty fancy DVR finagling when I discovered that six of my shows come on at the same time on Tuesday night. We may or may not need to sign up for that new plan that lets you record twelve shows at once. We’ll see. But I was holding on okay, other than that.

Enter Netflix. Suddenly, I have a whole season of Orange is the New Black to catch up on. And everybody’s already seen it! They want to talk to me about it! I’m still sitting on two episodes of Elementary from back in May! Now I’m having nightmares that Crazy Eyes is peeing on my bedroom floor because she thinks I don’t like her show anymore. And it’s carpeted, FYI, so that’s a big deal.

And then someone convinced my husband (who already complains about the amount of TV I’m committed to) that we need to sign up for HBO. I wasted two whole weeks of my life watching the critically acclaimed True Detective, and all I got out of it was a deep, dark craving for cigarettes and beer (and, like, three showers). No spoilers, but if you’re planning on watching it because someone told you it’s a fast-paced, gripping drama about a child-killing cult, you’re in for a surprise. However, if you want to watch a balding Cheers veteran have sex while his partner mumbles pseudo-philosophical nonsense, you are totally in luck. Hours and hours of tedious, plodding luck.

Oh, and let’s throw in Game of Thrones, as long as we’re paying for it! We’re only three and a half seasons behind! Who doesn’t like a little soft core porn and dragons? And it’s only another 40 characters to keep up with…. I’m seven episodes in, and I still only know one character by name. And that’s only because my friends named their infant daughter after her (to be fair, though, she’s named after Arya from the book, which makes it way cooler). And where are the dragons they promised me? I bet those eggs never hatch.

Seriously, guys, when I am supposed to go outside? I haven’t weeded my garden in two weeks. It looks like a damn jungle out there, and I can’t be sure, but I think it might be eating soccer balls at this point.

I live across the street from a beach, and do you know how many times I’ve been in the water? Once. For about twenty minutes. And then I had to hurry home to cook dinner so we’d have something to stuff into our faces while watching the Wilfred premiere.

TV executives, if you’re reading this, I need you to chill the hell out. I can’t handle any more shows! I’m glad you’ve discovered all these amazing stories that you simply must stick in front of my eyeballs, really, I am, but there comes a point where I just can’t take any more. I’m already down to seven hours of sleep; should I cut it down to five? What more do you want from me?

Watch less TV, you’ll tell me in the comments. But how? What am I supposed to do, give up Drunk History? That shit’s educational! And I’m certainly not quitting Hollywood Game Night. I need to study, in case I’m ever invited over to Jane Lynch’s house for charades.

It seems the only solution is for the networks to start operating on a twelve-day week, so I have time to devour every little pixel they’re offering. I see no other way. Someone get back to me on that.

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Jenn Rose is the creator of the blog Something Clever 2.0, a staff writer for In the Powder Room and NickMom, and stay-at-home mother to one boy in Massachusetts. When she’s not writing or parenting, she’s watching way too much TV and drinking a little too much wine (not chardonnay). She lives to serve her Facebook fans and Twitter followers. She hopes to become a zombie when she dies.