I planned my own Mother’s Day this year. Weeks in advance, I told my husband all the crap I do each day, and that my Mother’s Day wish was for him to handle all that crap for one whole day. I wanted him to experience what it’s like to take care of everyone else for an entire day (without relying on TV or frozen pizzas).
I wanted this because he has, in bewildering attacks of idiocy, made comments that I “don’t work” or that I “rest more” than he does. I needed him to understand that working in the home is still work, and that caring for others all day long is exhausting. In other words, what I wanted for Mother’s Day was a little freaking validation.
And I got it. My husband knocked it out of the park, and this Mother’s Day was one of the most relaxing days of my life. (And by the way, after all he did for me and our family for Mother’s Day, my husband went to bed early. Point made.)
But I’m still pissed. Not for myself, because I got what I wished for. No, I’m pissed on behalf of all the many moms who went unappreciated this year. I know they’re out there because on Mother’s Day I asked on my Facebook page how other mommies’ days were going… and a disturbing number of comments went something like this:
“Got up and cooked everyone breakfast, made coffee, washed dishes.”
“My husband told me we’re not doing anything because Mother’s Day isn’t a real holiday.”
“I’m exhausted from catering to my own mother and mother-in-law.”
“I haven’t sat down yet!”
“My husband says he’s not getting me anything for Mother’s Day because even though I’m a mom, I’m not HIS mom.”
“…just another day around here.”
“My husband gave me a card when I woke up and now he’s watching TV on the other side of the house and I’m stuck with the kids.”
And I received these private messages:
“My husband is spending Mother’s Day out of town so he can be with his own mom today, then he’s helping his friend fix his car. I’m home with our three kids and won’t even see him until later tonight.”
“I just screamed at my family and now I’m hiding in the storage closet with a bottle of wine.”
Pretty sad, right?
So on behalf of all moms everywhere, I have a question for these husbands who shat a giant turd on the one day of the year their wives were supposed to get a break:
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Mother’s Day consists of far too many sappy commercials, “thanks honeys,” and Hallmark cards delivered with breakfast in bed followed up with jack-squat for the rest of the day, and nowhere near enough all-day pampering with a side of “holy crap, you’re amazing.” True acknowledgment for the endless work of a mother is depressingly hard to come by. Mothers are within their right to ask for ONE FREAKING DAY OFF, and typically, the only person who can make this happen is their significant other. But a bunch of Stupid Lazy Husbands either disagree or are too inexcusably dumb to figure this shit out.
Stupid Lazy Husbands, I don’t get it. Why can’t you put forth the little bit of effort to make your wife, the mother of your children, feel valued on Mother’s Day? You seriously can’t sacrifice one day to show your gratitude? And please don’t insult our intelligence by claiming ignorance or giving us the old line that we’re supposed to tell you what we want from you. The onslaught of commercials, news articles and non-stop Mother’s Day propaganda that is shoved down our throats every year for the entire month of April ought to have clued you in by now. Read any mommy-blog the week before Mother’s Day and you will know exactly what you’re supposed to do.
I can barely wrap my brain around the fact that we’re still living in a time when wives hustle and bustle around the kitchen while the husband sits on his ass with a beer watching sports. HOW IS THIS EVEN STILL HAPPENING? It makes my scalp crawl.
This entitled behavior shouldn’t happen on any day, let alone Mother’s Day. Whyyyyy are you dumb cavemen even still around? Shouldn’t evolution have weeded you out by now? There are tons of enlightened men who are true partners in their marriage when it comes to parenting – dads who “do it all” and whose wives, believe me, appreciate the shit out of them.
That’s right, Stupid Lazy Husbands, there are husbands out there who go to work all day and come home tired but who also understand that the job their wives do in the home (or at work) makes them tired too, and that parenting is a 50/50 job. So these other husbands (who are way better humans than you are) pitch in and help. These awesome husbands take turns getting up in the middle of the night, cut up meat into child-sized bites, do after-dinner dishes, and bathe their children. They do these things because they know that being the primary breadwinner (or *choke* *gag* “the man”) doesn’t mean they deserve a pass for every other chore. (Also, they get laid a lot more than you do.)
Stupid Lazy Husbands, it doesn’t matter if you think it’s a “dumb Hallmark holiday.” It’s ONE DAY – a single day out of 365 days that your wife wants to be taken care of and shown she’s appreciated. And based on all the gazillion blog-posts and articles I’ve read, most moms aren’t even asking for monetary gifts. They just want a freaking break!
Moreover, in a strange twist of martyrdom, many moms, after asking for an entire day of pampering and servitude, can’t stop themselves from getting up and pitching in. We can’t stand to watch others work while we sit and do nothing. I myself felt compelled to do a load of dishes and wipe a few butts. And that is so sad and pathetic, isn’t it? We can’t step back and let others do for us; that’s how ingrained in us it is to serve others. Which is why, Stupid Lazy Husbands, it is ever the more incumbent upon YOU to stand up and tell your wife to sit down, while you do it all, for this one day.
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52 Comments
My kids made me breakfast, gave me gifts, includung a new phone, then my husband took care of them all day, he cooked dinner did dishes helped with homework and did bedtime. Very relaxing day. 🙂
Heather, that is EXACTLY how Mother’s Day should be spent! =)
I adore you. <3 We traveled yesterday – two hours back home from my parent’s house – and when we got home I scrubbed toilets.
Yikes. All mamas deserve to take the day off on Mother’s Day.
I cleaned our bathroom on mom’s day, too!!! I did get to go out for lunch with my son and mom in law (dad paid for his mom’s meal and son paid for mine) and then I took a nap cuz Aunt Flo came to visit and wiped me out. My husband ended up napping also (too much lunch) and then worked on some bookshelves he started for me for Easter, cut up a bunch of dead things in the yard, and vanished til dinner–which was leftovers from lunch. He also vanished after dinner til bedtime on some other projects. I did razz him a bit about lunch. Of the last 3 lunches out, the kid paid for two. He did take me out for lunch last Sept, though.
My husband handed me a card in the early morning — it said, “I hired a babysitter. I’m taking you out to dinner. So take a good, long shower, damn it. But first, we’re going to the mall so you can buy new bras.” And, indeed, he took me to the mall, he wrangled the toddler, and I bought my first new bra in 2 years. New bras and a kid-free shower — he just *gets* me.
^^^ That’s the kind of story I wish everyone could tell the day after M-Day. xoxo
My husband is very kind and loving but he doesn’t seem to understand that Mother’s Day is an ENTIRE day, not just the 2 hours extra I got to sleep in b/c he took the kids to breakfast. Every year, I “get to” sleep in late then it’s the same shit, different day. Gee, thanks. Oh well, at least this year I bought myself diamond earrings so I would get SOMETHING I wanted!
I agree. It should be a whole day. And of course we pamper them on Father’s Day. I can’t believe I haven’t gotten any irate fathers on here yet. 😉
Haha omg that’s exactly what happened to me it’s pretty crappy that they think it’s a gift to let us sleep in.. what a joke never felt so under appreciated
Love it. My day ended better than the first 3/4’s of it went. When he finally got home I did get flowers, a card and dinner cooked for me. (Dinner that I planned and bought groceries for.)
I’m glad your day ended well. Next year give him in itinerary a couple of weeks in advance. (Like I did.) 😉
It was business as usual at my house…but I did steal away with some lady friends for three days of kid-free quiet time beforehand.
My kids haven’t ever really done much for Mother’s Day. Back when I was married, their dad didn’t do much either, so it’s understandable. But they did get me Twizzlers (LMAO) and they told me they loved me. Maybe one of these years I’ll be married again…to someone who does it up right.
Sigh. That might be the most depressing comment, ever. Ha!! Sorry!
From what you’ve written about your kids, it seems they show you on a DAILY basis how much you mean to them. And that is even better than that whole stupid “one day a year” nonsense. 🙂 And who even cares about men. I tagged you in this because I knew you’d be able to relate because of everything you went through with your ex. <3
Hello, I realize this post is years old..but I just wanted to share/vent.This is long…main point is husband suddenly said I’m not his mother and I should ask our son (a toddler!) to do something for me. He’s usually ok, sometimes even romantic. On my first mother’s day we stayed at a hotel and he bought a cake,had lunch with my mother and father too.
We’ve been married for 6 years-lots of ups and downs.Had a baby last year, so I stopped working full time to take care of him.
The day before mother’s day,I said (even cutely) “Do you know what I want for tomorrow?Then he just lashed out and said why on father’s day and on his birthday I didn’t plan anything (He holds the money!We went out to dinner and I bought him cake!) He angrily said I should ask our son cos I’m not his mother!I said I just wanted time together and ice cream! (We’re more of foodies anyway). Then he told me I use my phone too much,and I don’t pay attention to our baby.I said it’s almost mother’s day and unlike him, people are sending me messages to celebrate ME as a mom though I am not their mother!I told him just because his mother is not here doesn’t mean we won’t celebrate mother’s day cos I’m the mom of his son!(His parents are in another country,we visited them last month.Husband has no relatives here
and before leaving his mom cried and asked me to take care of him cos he’s alone in my country.I can’t speak Korean though I could understand a bit but I couldn’t communicate properly with her,she’s a nice 85 year old woman though)
Then he cancelled our plans to go to the mall,blamed cos he couldn’t get the car fixed and get a haircut (not planned) and he said he’ll get it all done tomorrow so I told him to leave and do it today.)
He left with a huff, came back and hugged me and asked me to order food, so I thought he was treating me.When the food got here,I was chasing our son and he asked if I had money!To avoid embarassment (cos the delivery guy was waiting)I said later.then he paid with his money.
Then asked me to set the table so we could eat.I placed our son in his playpen,set the table and locked myself in a room and sobbed out loud.
He did play with our son while I ate (he does this everyday.He’s wonderful with him). Then he feigned a headache the whole night (but he was using his phone?). Then I got some of my money to pay for the take out and left it on the table and I said it was not his treat for me and I’ll make sure father’s day is exactly like this cos he’s not my father!
Weird thing is he is asking where we will take MY mom to lunch tomorrow.When I said what about me I’m a mom too!He said I’m not his mom who cried as he left and I should be happy he’s even thinking about my mother.
I’m venting here cos I am embarrassed to tell my friends (who are probably gonna be celebrated on tomorrow.Sorry, I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade but I just feel so upset. He’s so negative the day before (sometimes during!) occassions and I’m tired of it!
Hi, Confused. I couldn’t find a reply on here so I thought I would write a quick one. I can definitely understand why you are confused. You also have total reason to be upset and hurt. Maybe there is some kind of culture difference here. I am not sure. However, he is the one who is now in the US. We do things differently over here. He is an adult. He can figure that out whether he likes it or not. Either way, whatever the reasoning behind it, you are his wife and the mother of his child. You are feeling dismissed and confused. That HAS to be addressed. Alright, take care Mama! By the way, I did not receive a Mother’s Day Card. He basically says it is because the holiday itself shouldn’t be needed. Blah, blah, blah… Whatever!
My husband got sick, so I got a smart ass card from my dad about giving him awesome grandkids (along with a sweet card tucked inside) and my mom and I got to go shopping by ourselves KID-FREE!! Then, we had to come back and help cook dinner. He did get very frustrated that we were helping him cook–he wanted to do it all by himself, but things just didn’t work out.
I’m so happy to hear the stories of the good husbands. We still gotta fix all these a-holes, though. 😉
Reading this actually made me appreciate my hubby more. He certainly has his lazy days(most days), but I guess he gets what Mother’s Day should be about. I got to sleep as late as I wanted, then got a bag full of goodies and a sweet card(with a little poem he wrote!)and then he gave me the option of him cooking dinner for everyone or us going out. I choose to go out, primarily to prevent the inevitable mess and dishes that result from him making a meal. While we were out, He held the baby when she got fussy so I could actually eat my food with two hands, while it was still hot! So all in all, a more than decent showing on his part. I am sorry to hear so many other mamas were not given the royal treatment they deserved!
So glad you had such a great day! xoxo
I loved reading this! I worked 7-5:30 Sunday as a cashier at a local grocery store. We were absolutely slammed with people preparing for Mother’s Day and many, many were complete assholes. I had a lady attempt to steal a couple of cookie cakes and when I politely informed her the bakery said they weren’t paid for, she cussed me like a sailor while her teenage daughters giggled behind her. And because i have 4 kids and need my job, i had to stand there and takebit. All I wanted for Mother’s Day was a nap. I didn’t get it. Instead, I got a lecture about responsibility or some shit from my husband who had been off work for the past three days. I made everyone’s dinner, cleaned the messes they made up, (husband had done a big fat nothing while I was at work) and prepared everything for school/work Monday morning. It was a deep, deep hurt because on the one day a year they’re supposed to show me how much they appreciate me, they really did show me. Not at all.
Sarah, my heart breaks for you. You are who I wrote the post for. <3 <3
You are one of those I thought about all day yesterday! Thankful for you!
Going by the guys I know (my brother, in particular) they are like toddlers or Macaque monkeys; they will be as selfish, insensitive and inconsiderate as they can get away with being. If you don’t train them like a Basenji puppy, they’ll only do what gets them what they want.
Roxie, you are too funny. I really, REALLY, would prefer my husband not be like a dog. LOL
You know the old saying: “Men are dogs!”
I totally did everything while he slept in. I didn’t even get a present til we had already had a fight. I told him not to get me anything, then he went and found some stuffed animals someone was selling on the side of the road. We went to his mother’s, then he went to work. Just another day…
Time to train him as Roxie suggested? 😉 Hugs to you. xo
http://www.viralnova.com/apology-to-moms/
Normally when people post links in comments I get annoyed. THAT was not annoying. 😉 Thanks!
I got a bouquet of purple irises (fave flower) and pink tulips. Meant well but still couldn’t get it right if he was paid to DH of mine bought strawberries and melting chocolate on Thursday. He was going to serve them to me in bed. WTF. Sounds like someone wanted sex afterwards, so to me it seems more like a present for him, if you know what I mean. =/ Also, our fridge would have frozen the strawberries before Sunday. I honestly don’t know wtf he was thinking.Not to mention, NO card from him and homemade cards from the 3 older kids (youngest is 4 months old, she gets a pass! lol). The homemade cards I loved.
I got to sleep in only a whole hour and 17 minutes extra b/c as usual, DH could not deal with daughter screaming and crying her ass off. Seriously, waking up to a damn near inconsolable baby is NOT how I wanted to start Mothers Day. After that, I was up for the day. I only got to eat supper while warm b/c the baby was passed out. My DH has stopped holding/caring for the baby so I can eat my supper warm. I made supper of course. He did not do a single bit of housework that day, which makes it no different from any other day of the year.
I am SO fucking sick of hearing about how much he loves me and I am needed by this family, just to be treated like shit, or something not worth remembering to be good to b/c of how much I am loved and neeed by this family. I told him I wanted a motel room for Mothers Day. I wanted a guaranteed 10hrs of sleep without the baby or older kids waking me up b/c they are fighting. The flowers, chocolate, and strawberries cost more than the cheapest room in town.
Do you know what is sad? He will get exactly what he wants for Fathers Day even tho my ONE request for Mothers Day did not happen. I go through this with EVERY gift giving occasion with DH and I am absolutely fucking sick of it. I don’t know why I am like this or why I put with it. My birthday has been late (ie he can’t figure out how to budget and save even tho he gets paid weekly b/c his ex-stepkid, who has a new stepdad!!!, needs school supplies and clothes the week of MY birthday,and b/c it’s late, he forgets, which makes me feel like complete shit- I am NOT worth remembering)
I know every mom who did not get anything for Mothers Day will think I am spoiled b/c I did get flowers, chocolate, and strawberries, but I am bitching that I did not get what I asked for. Spoiled people get what they want, I am not spoiled. I am not remembered, I am ignored, and I not worth DH’s regard.
I know I’m reading this 4 years late, but the first question in my mind while reading your comment was “why the hell is she still with such an insensitive shitbag?”. Then you got to the “he’ll get everything he wants for Father’s day” and my brain was screaming “why the hell would you do all that for such an insensitive shitbag?” I sincerely hope you’re not still married to him or that he’s gone to counseling and is no longer such an insensitive shitbag.
Roxie, this was SO perfect I wanna frame it and put it on the fridge; guys “are like toddlers or Macaque monkeys; they will be as selfish, insensitive and inconsiderate as they can get away with being. If you don’t train them like a Basenji puppy, they’ll only do what gets them what they want.”
Yep, guys, kids and pets will get away with whatever they can get away with. It’s shitty but it’s up to us to tell them and show them what isn’t ok and what we want them to do. It will take time and a LOTTT of patience but it’s doable; my dad started off as a typically distant, English male and during 41 years of marriage to Mum became more considerate, demonstrative of affection, gave compliments on her cooking at every meal and did the dishes for her every. Single. Day. My own hubby cooks for us on Mum’s Day, and this year was the first time he also cleaned up after himself. see? Baby steps. 🙂
I’m sitting here reading this because my husband is so focused in having the best father’s day tomorrow… but has nothing to say when I mention the fact that I have never had a good mother’s day. This mother’s day was barely even acknowledged. I just don’t want to celebrate father’s day if he can’t give me one day. I even do everything I do on my birthday. Including dishes. I would just like one day for someone else to do dishes and vacuum. But that is apparently too much to ask for because I always hear a “but I got up for work”. Or if I don’t get all my chores done before he gets home from work and we fight because I’m not sitting on the couch with him because I have to finish cleaning the kitchen. Or…. that I can’t go to bed with him because I have to clean food from dinner off the floor. Maybe. If men want something from their wife on any given day… maybe they help F***ing clean. Just an idea.
I recently left my husband with the kids for three days to attend a blogging conference. Best thing I could have done for him to understand how difficult it is to get everything done, and I highly recommend doing this if you ever get the chance! My husband was STRESSED when I got back! lol
I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. I hope you find a way to make him understand.
Did someone force you to be a wife and mother? This unappreciated state of existence is merely the nature of the nuclear family beast (which everyone is obsessed with)
“If you want to procreate, you’re just going to have to accept that no one will appreciate you or think of you, especially not your husband.”
…is basically what you’re saying, right? Yeah I don’t think so.
Of course not. My husband wanted to marry me as much as I wanted to marry him. He wanted more kids than me– I wanted 2 or 3, he wanted 5 or 6. I didn’t beg him to get me pregnant, trust me. And, of course, we talked about not being stuck in gender roles for household chores and parenting before we got married. Somehow, it was all just talk.
What a stupid comment.
Well, I actually cried this morning, hurtful sobs with a stuffy nose. I am so tired of bending over backwards and no one does the same for me. Even though my daughter is loving and giving,miss somewhat on her terms. You give me hints at what you would like and I get it, like $70 MK hoop earrings. Then I buy gifts for your boys to give to you and all I get is a $25 gift card and a $15 iTunes gift card….really? What the hell am I suppose to do with an iTunes card? It’s Mother’s Day, I love rose gold, especially that $55 bracelet I kept hinting at. Then my dumb azz husband who claims he didn’t hit the lotto last night, sneaks out and cash it and gives me a lousy $40. Really? you damn moron and you wonder why I want out of this relationship. I want to be loved, respected…I want flowers, chocolate and a nice piece of jewelry..don’t even have to be expensive. With me it’s the thought and love that goes into the gift and it was no thought given to my gifts. I cook actually cook homemade meals 5-6 days a week. I wash and fold, I clean, I shop, I run errands, take the boys to school and daycare some days, pick them up at times, not complaining because I adore my grandkids. To top it off my baby is 21 and my daughter 30… I could be selfish and say I raised my kids. Today I’m hurt, not angry, just deeply hurt and I am about to change things. Thanks for letting me rant and Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
Do it. Change things. You deserve better. <3
I’m so pissed right now…10 years of marriage and he still doesn’t get it. All I ask is one day of not doing anything and him taking care of the kids. He slept in then he went with the kids to Target and bought flowers and KFC for lunch. He then went back to bed and took a long ass nap . I was stuck with the kids doing laundry and dishes. When I complained he could of done the dishes he’s replie was “your not my mom” , why do you expect so much “I was fumming! I needed to get out of the house!
Yeah, I’m sorry to say it but your husband is exactly who this post was written for. So you’re not HIS mother? Only the mother of his children. 🙁
I am divorced but re-married. I have 2 boys of my own and a step son. I get screwed every year. I have to make the day BIG for my own mom, my ex figures he’s off the hook, my current husband is busy trying to figure out something to do for his ex from his son and since I am not the “mother” of his boy, it is not up to him. My kids are too small (and self-absorbed as kids are) to do anything more than say, “Happy Mother’s Day.”
I truly hate the day and wish I could forget it occurs each year. It only serves to make me feel like crap.
So, another year has passed and it’s Mother’s Day again. What am I doing? I’m up already with my 11 month old. Almost a whole year old and I have gotten up with him every single morning. I thought maybe I would get to sleep in for the first time today. Nope. I can guarantee I will be doing everything (as usual) today like it’s any other day. I know I’m not getting a card or present (I never wanted one anyways, just wanted help today and to sleep). I’m the primary breadwinner in our marriage (elementary teacher) and, according to husband, I’m also supposed to be the primary caregiver for our children….his words “the kids are your job”. So if I make the money, take care of the kids and our home, please tell me what the hell is your job then?!
You guys need serious counseling and he MUST change or you need to leave him. I don’t normally say such drastic things to people, but that is really not OK. I’m very sorry for your situation. Hugs to you.
I don’t have a husband.. but my son has not said one word. Played video games all day. No recognition at all.. Hurt AF. And, he’s 23.
I’m so sorry. How awful. 🙁
I surrendered this holiday 9 years ago. It’s just too exhausting to get mediocre hopes up. I do love reading everyone’s stories and seeing their pictures. For me it’s just another day and one day I’ll learn to be ok with it.
I can’t take credit for this, a friend of mine came up with it.
“Holidays are the work of women. Therefore Mother’s Day is an oxymoron.”
Sadly true.
I hate Mother’s Day with a deep, deep hatred. I think I hate my birthday almost as much because it’s the same. If I plan something and do all the work, they’ll come along for the ride. Otherwise, it’s just another day.
I got a bunch of flowers and a card two days early. On Mother’s Day I didn’t hear the words “Happy Mother’s Day” until I lost it at 3pm, and that was after celebrating at my mother’s home and still not hearing the bloody words! Now my husband and I aren’t speaking and I’m sick of him turning these issues around on me; I’m the one with unrealistic expectations (I just wanted to hear the words), and I make every Mother’s Day miserable. Well fine, he can spend the next one celebrating with his mommy. Apparently I ruined the day because I expect to hear Happy Mother’s Day. Nice. Arseholes.
I didnt get anything from mothers day. My partners think its a stupid holiday or not counted as a holiday.
Every year I’m expecting less and less of him, my husband. It doesn’t matter how many time I tell what I would like of him or don’t like, he doesn’t seem to care. This pass Mother’s Day we went up north for a family gathering. My husband cousin ask him if he wished me a Happy Mother’s Day, his response is “ I don’t need to because she isn’t my mom. “ so then his cousin wishes me happy Mother’s Day. I was sad…couldn’t believe what I just heard.