A dream…

We were fleeing from a low-flying space-craft. We were backed into a place without an exit, a parking-garage type structure, with no place to go but up. But we couldn’t hide under things anymore; now they were coming for us on foot… or whatever they walked on. It was understood that there was no escape; that if they came for you, there was no resisting. In spite of this hopelessness, I kept moving, up, up, up… and when I saw a man jump to his death, I still thought Why would you do that? Why give up so easily?

We kept scrambling up the slope of the parking garage trying to escape. The path took us in circles, upward about three stories. When there was nowhere else to go, I peeked over the ledge and saw themcoming.

I could only see them from the back as they progressed around the circular upward slope. They were very tall – several heads taller than the average human, with very dark grey waxy-looking skin. Their heads were enormous, bald, and strangely-shaped, like mushrooms. There were three of them progressing slowly, deliberately, up the slope, each of them holding tablets. (Human-extinguishers?) They wore long, dark capes that hid the shapes of their bodies from my view.
People scattered from them, running every which way, but always upward, like rats seeking high ground from a slow-spreading flood. But the beings ignored the fleeing people; they were coming for me.
That was it then. I desperately wanted to live but I accepted the hopelessness. I knew they would do terrible, unimaginable things to me if I let them catch me. These were not compassionate beings.
I jumped from the third story, to my certain death on the concrete below.
Of course I woke up before I hit the ground, because you can’t die in your dreams.
It was the middle of the night. My husband slept in sweet oblivion beside me. Why can’t my sleep be as dreamless as his? My heart was still pounding from my dream. I had to pee really bad, like drunk-pee bad, but didn’t want to get out of bed because a tiny part of me is afraid that my alien dreams are causedby aliens. Like maybe they’re curious about this peculiar and unfamiliar human emotion called ‘fear,’ so they implant terrifying dreams in our minds and then examine our response.
Maybe they were standing just outside my window with their giant waxen heads, peeking in through the cracks between my blinds so they could better observe their sleeping subject. I wouldn’t know unless I came very close to the window to look out. But then it would be too easy for them to grab me. Better not to know. Let them sit out there and read my mind.
But still… I really had to pee. I threw the covers off and ran to turn on the lights so I wouldn’t have to pee in the dark. The blinds on the little window directly in front of my toilet are always lifted a crack so that my husband can charge his watch by the sun in the morning while he’s in the shower. If the lights are off at night, you can see out that crack – especially when the moon is almost full, as it was last night. If there was something out there… well I’d just rather not know. Better to have the lights on.
I was so scared that I almost left the lights on when I went back to bed. But how to explain that to my husband?  Anyway, the lights would disturb his sleep. So I turned them off and sprintedback to bed (DON’T LOOK AT THE WINDOWS). I looked down the hallway towards my kids’ rooms, to the top of the stairs. OH MY GOD THERE WAS SOMETHING ROUNDING THE CORNER AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.No. Just the doorknob.
“What’s the last thing you remember before you woke up in the hospital and learned you’d had a heart-attack, ma’am?” “Well, doctor, I thought the doorknob was an alien trying to abduct me…”
What was wrong with me??? Please God, let me not dream about aliens when I go back to sleep…
This happens to me about once per month. I call it The Alien Dream. If you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning you know of my pathological phobia of aliens.
The Alien Dream is not the same every time. 
One time I dreamed that the aliens were taking over the humans’ bodies and there was no way to know who had been ‘taken’ unless you looked in their eyes and they were an inhuman glowing green color. (Yes I know Stephanie Meyer wrote a book with a similar premise but I HAD THE DREAM FIRST, and I can only conclude that she is one of them and was sitting outside my window that very night recording my dreams with her insipid telepathic alien-brain. I’m onto you, Stephanie.) Anyway, in that dream, the only way to kill the aliens was to chop off their heads. And of course in the process of running from the alien takeover, I realized that my best friend’s mom was ‘one of them.’ So unfortunately I had to chop off my best friend’s mom’s head. Isn’t that just peachy?
Another time I dreamed that I couldn’t see the aliens themselves but they were destroying everything, all the buildings, with their flying spacecraft. They were trying to wipe out all life on the surface. I found underground tunnels and was running from them under the tunnels even though all hope had obviously been lost.
My fear might be a little bit crazy, but… it is what it is. And in spite of the improbability of any life-form having the life-span necessary to traverse the thousands of light-years it would take to get here, I don’t really think my fears about the aliens alleged (I’m the one alleging here, obviously) malicious intentions against humanity are totally unfounded.  I mean, why would aliens have any reason to respect our existence? What importance would they place on our survival? After all, do humans care about bugs (a lower life form than us)? I just slapped the shit out of myself trying to kill a gnat that landed on my face. Poor little guy, he was just being a gnat. Did he really deserve to die?
And since when did humans ever care about any native life they’ve come across upon discovery of a ‘new’ land? Did they care about the Native Americans? Did they care about the Africans or the Incas? No, they cared only about their own self-interest, their own survival. They squashed them like bugs, and even when they discovered that the natives were actually human just like they were and tried (in a very half-assed way) to maintain some manner of coexistence, they killed them all off with the diseases they carried within themselves. Imagine what kinds of diseases aliens could give us, to which they would be already immune.
Maybe my fear of aliens is really a reflection of my disappointment with the cruelty of humanity. Geeeeez, that’s depressing. No, I’ll just continue to assume that I picked up my fear from watching a terrifying alien movie as a child. Fire in the Sky traumatized me, people. If you haven’t seen it, go ahead and watch it but don’t say I didn’t warn you. You could end up just like me having to pee with the lights on and being frightened of doorknobs.
I’ll try to keep talking myself out of the fear. (How could a life form survive all those light-years? What would they eat? Where would they get the energy to fly their spaceship that far? Who knows if they even exist?) I can be rational, really I can. But I probably won’t ever be able to sleep with my windows open… or even the blinds for that matter. Forget about tent camping! And I doubt my dreams will ever stop. But it would be nice if someday I’m able to pee in the middle of the night without turning the lights on.
Do you have an irrational fear? Do you think aliens exist? And I know I’m going to hate myself later for asking this but… have you ever had any kind of encounter with… you know… them?


  1. Anonymous

    Quite honestly… you make me smile. I always look forward to reading your posts. This is truly a great blog to follow. You, even if only temporarily, release the stress that’s ever-lurking and bring a much needed laugh… an empathetic one, of course.
    I love what you are doing here. Never stop!

  2. Great writing! So easy to read, I love it.
    I have an irrational fear of birds, and they are real!
    <3 Devan

    • Birds? Why? Did they attack you once? I have been attacked by birds more times than is statistically believable… I always manage to come too close to a nest, always completely unbeknownst to me. I really should be scared of them. But no. Aliens.

  3. I find myself laughing at this post and feeling bad that you are paralyzed by an alien-phobia. Maybe you should watch some of the sci fi I watch– aliens can be our friends. What about E.T.?

    You already know my irrational fear. And I’m staring down another Tough Mudder jump this year and a 13-hour plane ride after that, so… yeah, phobias suck. 🙂

    • The thing is… I HAVE watched a ton of those movies in which A) aliens are benevolent or B) we kick the aliens’ asses. The problem is that I am too cynical… I have this conviction that aliens would treat humans as pests. 🙁

      As for fear of heights? … I got nothin’.

  4. Anonymous

    Funny how many bad dreams a persin can have over their fears. But yeah, aliens. Have been convinced my sister is one ever since I watched the original “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers” when I was a kid. I just know they have a pod for me somewhere, lol. Actually though..my worst nightmares involve tornadoes. Havent had one though since I left the midwest and moved to the west coast. However, I seem to have traded tornado dreams for earthquake dreams.

    • You seem to have geographically influenced pathological fears… Never heard of that one before! 😉

  5. Amy Hanigosky

    Very weird, I too have an irrational phobia of aliens. If someone talks about them on TV or Radio (or even if i think they’re going to start talking about aliens), I change the channel. My husband knows not to ever dare put on an alien movie/show when I am with him (or even when I am home, I mean I could possibly over hear it). We’ve gone to scary movies before where i thought it could possibly be aliens causing the trouble and I’ve threatened to leave, until someone could convince me their aren’t aliens in the movie.

    Who knows, maybe it’s a “growing up in Ft. Myers” thing. Honestly, just reading your dream was scary for me.

    Anywhoo, love your blog (and hate aliens) and hope you’re doing well 🙂

    • Oh, see I have a strange attraction to them in addition to the fear… I’ve seen pretty much all the movies. Of course every time I watch one I’m freaked out for the next few days. Gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it. Hubs likes to entice me to watch them with him because he thinks it means I’ll cuddle with him (he’s right).

  6. Oh my gosh do you write well…I thought I was reading an excerpt out of a published novel! I can understand having a phobia (I’m terrified of worms…don’t ask) and I can understand you having reoccurring nightmares (I dream of ghosts quite often…more so before than now, though I’d like to get them back as I believe they are a link to the “other world”)…and I can understand you leaping to your death but, I assure you, you can die in your dreams. It’s happened to me. I’ve been shot. I’m glad to find that my mind is not the only warped, terrifying, think up unimaginable scenarios, can vividly recall dreams like they were movies, mind around. Because my hubby doesn’t get it. He doesn’t dream or else can’t remember them. And, oh, I remember them all!!!

    • You flatter…

      Really, you’ve died in your dreams? I never have… well very interesting to know that you can die in your dreams. Have you ever had the dream where you know you’re dreaming but you a) can’t wake yourself up or b) you successfully wake yourself up? I’ve had several of those. We’re a couple of weirdos. LOL

    • Umm yes!! In fact, many of my ghost dreams are more out of body experiences than dreams…I know that I need to yell to wake myself up and yet I can’t and what ends up happening is I make sexy, gutteral moaning noises until my husband wakes up and wakes me up! It’s so spooky!! I used to be so in tune with my dream self, I could choose to fly or go anywhere and do anything! This conversation is inspiring me to start reading my dream books again and tap back into my subconscious self. Meet for coffee to discuss further? :))

    • Dude, that is totally cosmic. 😉 I have ZERO control over whether or not I know I’m dreaming or if I can wake myself up. I wish I did; some of my dreams are so horrific and realistic, sometimes I wake up sobbing and it takes me a while to realize it was a dream at all.