Dear Douche Canoe,
My son Lucas has ADHD. This makes any activity involving more than just him by himself… difficult. And that’s an understatement. Lucas is the kid who absentmindedly draws pictures and watches the second-hand on the clock while the teacher gives the lesson. He’s the kid who needs a step-by-step chart to put his clothes on in the morning. He’s the kid who doesn’t really understand the point of being competitive, and doesn’t comprehend the need for being aggressive.
He’s also the kid who tested in the top 1% of gifted learners. He’s the kid who does math problems in his head when most kids a year older than him would have to use their fingers. He’s the kid who knows every fighter jet by sight and can recite to you not only the name of the jet, but all of its available tactical maneuvers and flight capabilities. He’s the kid who can tell you all the different levels of hurricanes and tornadoes, as well as the wind speeds and different types of destruction caused by each one. He’s the kid who makes grown-ups raise their eyebrows at his knowledge and correct usage of obscure vocabulary words.
But you, you fat slob, don’t deserve to know any of this very personal information about my son. Moreover, you have no fucking business uttering my son’s name, or anyone else’s kid’s for that matter, in exasperation and annoyance. Ever. You don’t need to yell at my kid to “get out of the way!” You don’t need to heave enormous sighs of frustration, or shout things like “GEEZ, kid. OH MY GOD” or “What is he doing???”
You don’t know my son, you don’t know our situation, and quite frankly it ought to be humiliatingly and immensely evident that you are in no position to judge or critique anyone, much less an innocent child. You are so overweight you can hardly walk. I can only assume you are filled to the brim with pent-up resentment and envy, and yelling and hissing at other people’s children makes you feel better about your own plainly obvious inadequacies.
We put Lucas in soccer so that he could have the opportunity to develop the skills he lacks, like focus, determination, perseverance, and the ability to work within a team. His dad loves soccer too, so it’s very meaningful to us that they can have those moments together as father and son. No, he’s not the best player on the team. No, he didn’t make a single goal at the game. Or any game. Ever.
Yes, sometimes he stares at the sky or plays with the strings on his pants when he should be paying attention to the game. Yes, sometimes he gets in the way of his own team-mate trying to shoot a goal. Yes, sometimes when he actually does come into possession of the ball, he flaps his arms frantically instead of just kicking the damn thing. I’m not fucking blind. I get it. I’m frustrated too.
But it’s my job to be annoyed with him. My job to teach him, coach him, encourage him, or even reprimand him if needed. Not yours. So next time your panties are all in a wad up your fat ass because my son isn’t playing as well as everyone else, it would be much appreciated if you would just keep your fucking trap shut.
I can’t believe I have to defend my son against Douche Canoes like you.
Sincerely,
Lucas’s Proud Mama
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| Perfect just the way he is. Bitch. |
21 Comments
You go! You have never seen a mama bear come out like it does if I feel my kids are being bothered/bullied/looked at the wrong way!
I just don’t know what is WRONG with some people! It felt good to get it out, even if she’ll never see it.
WTF. U made me cry. The thought of anyone speaking ill of Lucas seriously pisses me off. Let me at the bitch. Was this a mom of a child on his team? Grrrr.
You are such an awesome mom, I don’t know if I could or would’ve done everything u have done with Lucas. So proud of him,and I know he tries so hard. He is my adorable nephew, compassionate and crazy smart (sometimes leaves me saying “ruuhh?” Bc his use of scientific lingo is beyond me. lol)
And he DID make those two goals at practice! And I’m sure he will make one during a game. He came close last time.
It was a grandmother of one of the children on Lucas’ team. At one point her granddaughter missed defending a goal attempt by the opposing team and she yelled at her too. You could see the girl was so embarrassed and hurt. So I yelled “That’s okay! Good try! Don’t worry about it!”
LOL. Kill ’em with kindness.
Love this! Good for you. That woman should consider herself lucky that you said all this in your blog rather than to her big fat face.
Yes. Yes she should. =)
OMG. PUHLEASE accidentally print this and put it in her mailbox. I was going to say print it and drop it in front of her, but she’s probably too fat to pick it up. You go girl! Let it out and then let it go. Stupid people don’t deserve too much more of our time.
I knew writing about would make me feel better. Like anything else. 🙂 My plan moving forward is that whichever kid screws up and she yells at, I will yell “That’s okay! Good try! Don’t worry about it!”
I’m thinking she might get the point that way, without me ever having to address her directly. I can’t even stand to look at her. Plus I’m really not the confrontational type.
I actually love this idea. It spreads a little positivity around and makes her look bad without ever saying anything. And who knows, maybe she’ll take the hint.
I’m soooo the confrontational type, much to my dismay. I defended a passed out drunk at a bus stop once, with my kid in tow. Some woman was trying to steal his bus pass. I’d just called an ambulance for the drunk and this woman thought he wouldn’t be needing it anymore. I chewed her out, took the bus pass and threw it under him as he was being put on the gurney and then proceeded to tell her what a low-life skum sucker she was. My kid learned that his mom has a big mouth…and how to defend the little guy that may not be in a position to defend himself. So yeah, I’d have marchd up to the fat sow and gave her a piece of my mind. I think the only act of kindness I would have show her would to be not to humiliate her in front of her grandchild, I would have pulled her aside to do it but she still would have gotten it. Much love to you, Momma. No matter how you get it out, it’s out and we can all move on to better things for your dear little lovey-kins!
from one of your Fb buddies!
Sometimes I wish I could be so brave… I thought about saying something, but was ever-conscious of how many parents and children were around… Lucas didn’t catch any of what she was saying; luckily part of ADHD is not hearing what’s going on around you. If I had thought he was hearing it, this would have been an entirely different post. =)
It’s so easy for a child to lose their self-esteem and ten times harder to regain the ground they lost. I’m not confrontational either but that chavvy gobshite ought to be banned from the sidelines. Hope she’s not too stupid to take your subtle hints.
I’ve made up my mind that if she doesn’t take my subtle hints I’ll have to grow some balls and confront her. I’ll probably have to write out everything I want to say and practice it in front of a mirror beforehand, so I don’t freak out and hyperventilate and burst into tears of rage. =/
This post hits home to me in two ways. One, my daughter (who is six and in the top 3% in reading for her age group, a super huge anatomy/biology buff, and an AMAZING artist), is the light of my life, gifted beyond telling…much like your son. And it breaks my heart as I type this because I’m typing from others’ perspective at this point. My daughter is the weird girl. I guess I should’ve known that it would happen. I am the weird girl. And stupidly or superficially, I truly believed that if I made enough money and got her the best clothes, and cute hair stuff, and the latest shit out there, that she’d be Miss Popularity. Nope.
Don’t get me wrong, Lila is popular at school because she’s nice and she’s smart. The teachers love her. And most children won’t speak about her badly. The do, actually kind of endear her. But she’s odd. There’s no mistaking it. I think sometimes she’s so advanced for the other kids that when she tells jokes or plays games that she has made up, they’re just over the others’ heads. But then I wonder how much of that is just me rationalizing that because she’s my joy and my love? She has excessive worry and is completely cautious about everything. When she tries to tell other kids to be careful, they look at her like she’s crazy. When she tells elaborate stories that she’s made up about her superhero invisible friend “Fashion Girl” they tell her that it’s not real and she’s a baby or a bunch of other stuff. I could go on and on at her idiosyncrasies. I feel like a horrible parent half of the time because my dream was to be mommy to the Homecoming Queen. The Cheer Captain. The Pageant Star. And alas, my daughter probably does not have those in her cards. She has many other amazing qualities and I love her just the way that she is, but sometimes, (well rarely, but still it seems like more cause it makes me feel like a pile of shit) I lament for what I wanted for her. And now is one of those times, typing this, that I feel like a shit-mom.
The other level though, is that I am kinda that parent that gets annoyed at other kids! I know! Hypocrite you yell. And you’d be right. But the difference is that I NEVER say anything and after I get over my irritance, I can rationalize that I don’t know that child. I don’t know their parents. I don’t know what they have going on for them and it’s not my place to judge at all. So thanks for reminding me today to be that way. But I still can’t believe that people actually SAY it. Thinking it is bad enough in my book and I do it all the time.
Good for you for sticking up for your baby, if only in your heart and your blog. Next time, you may have to open a can of whoop ass, huh?
Yeah, whoop-ass might be my only action if the subtle approach doesn’t work. But who doesn’t love a good can o whoop-ass??
As for Lila, if she’s going the nerdy route, be glad. Part of the reason I went down some really rough paths as an adolescent is that I was trying to be ‘popular.’ Keep encouraging all her ‘nerdy’ qualities, and though she might not be Homecoming Queen, just you wait – in 20 years, she’ll be Queen of the Hill.
xoxo
Good for you! Hopefully the douche bag will read your blog post. Your son is lucky to have such a caring, protective mum on his side. He will do well in this world because of the tools you are giving him for the future. Cheers to you, Mama bear!!!!
Thanks, MM!
Tonight’s practice was interesting. I’ll write a follow-up. 🙂
My favorite part of this blog post was the caption on the picture. Screw the douche canoes.
Ack! I JUST NOW saw this comment. That was my favorite part, too! 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
Awww, he’s cute…. I survived the ADHD kid & all the db’s that come along. I always opened my mouth & they usually shut up & I didn’t care.
All your son ever needs is to see how proud of him you are, which beams through your post!
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Jenn! (Sorry somehow I missed the last 2 comments on this post.) I will be curious to hear your comments on my most recent and upcoming posts on ADHD. It looks like I’ll be doing a series on this topic. (How can I not??)
Sidenote: I love your FB page – you always post the funniest stuff!