Husband: Hey hon, you wanna bake some cookies with me now that the kids are asleep?

Wife: Didn’t we just bake cookies two nights ago?

Husband: Uh, noooooo, it’s been like, two weeks.

Wife: NO. It can’t have been that long. Really? Are you sure???

Husband (gritting teeth): YES, I am VERY sure. And I am really craving some cookies right now.

Wife: What about last weekend…surely we wouldn’t let a Saturday pass by without indulging in some cookies?

Husband: I was out of town, remember?

Wife: Oh, shit. Indeed.

Husband: …

Wife: …

Husband: …

Wife: …

Husband: …

Wife (whining): Ughhhhhhh I’m sooooooooooo tired. Like seriously soooooo tired. I’m just not in the mood to bake right now. Can’t we make cookies tomorrow night? We’ll do it early, right after the kids go to sleep. I promise.

Husband: I really want some cookies tonight.

Wife (groaning): FINNNNE. I’ll get the ingredients. *gets out the ingredients*

Husband: Hey, by the way, I read that article you sent me.

Wife: Huh? What article?

Husband: The one that had different ideas for men on how to bake cookies for their wives.

Wife: Oh yeah. Almost forgot about that. So what did you think?

Husband: I think I have a new recipe I’d like to try.

Me: Does it have nuts? You know how I feel about nuts in my cookies.

Husband: No nuts, I promise. By the way, I think you should know…I really like the cookies you make for me. I think they are the perfect recipe, exactly how they are.

Wife: You know, it’s funny you should say that. I was talking with some friends the other day, and a couple of them were saying that their husbands pretty much never want cookies, like, ever. I always thought it was the husband who begged the wife to bake cookies. I never thought of how hurtful it would feel to have a constant craving for cookies, and the one person you want to eat them with is never in the mood for them. It made me feel lucky that you still enjoy baking with me.

*mutual sigh*

*mix/bake/consume*

Husband: DAMN, those cookies were hot!

Wife: GRRRGLDEYBBRRRRRRRRPHHH WHYYYYY do we not bake cookies every single night??? How could I ever NOT want to bake cookies with you? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????

Husband: I…don’t know?

Wife: And HELLO, I liked those extra ingredients you put in the mix. You were so kind not to try to surprise me with nuts.

Husband: Don’t think I didn’t consider it.

Wife: I would have spat them out on you.

Husband: I’m kidding; you know I wouldn’t do that to you. But to be honest, I wasn’t sure you’d like that new ingredient. Before reading that article you sent me, I’d never heard of anyone putting that ingredient in a cookie recipe before.

Wife: Yeah, I think I like our original recipe best. This one was a tiny bit…spicy for me. But we should definitely keep it on hand for special occasions.

Husband: You seemed to really like it. You weren’t pretending to like it just to make me feel good about my baking skills, were you?

Wife: No! Not at all! I SO totally enjoyed the new ingredient. It was delicious. Didn’t you hear me moaning because of how overwhelmed my taste buds were?

Husband: Yes, yes I did. So, uh…does that mean you want more? I’m pretty sure I could whip up another batch.

Wife: Meh. I’m too tired. But let’s definitely bake more cookies…Saturday.

This post originally appeared on Bluntmoms. Don’t forget to like Abandoning Pretense on Facebook!

2 Comments

  1. This is hilarious — and so true! I haven’t baked cookies for over 18 months. I’m SOOOO hungry!

  2. Townes Eimer Reply

    Hysterical!! Sounds just like my husband and myself expect we call it making a quiche.
    I so don’t remember how it start with quiche, I think it was a sunday morning thing…

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