Hey guys, I have a new blogger to introduce you to! When she sent me this post, I was so blown away by her humor and fearless honesty that I couldn’t not share her with you. Check her out and show her some love in the comment section! ~Kristen
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As our kids bring home projects covered in glue stick residue and orange and brown craft store feathers, we parents are expected to acknowledge all that we’re thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday. When prompted, people will usually mention their health, family, friends, jobs and maybe a few prized material possessions. But what about the not-so-typical things for which we’re thankful? Little things that make life more fun, but we might be too embarrassed to say aloud?
Here are a few simple things thatI’m thankful for:
1) When no one walks into my cubicle after I’ve let out a wicked fart that singes my own nostril hairs.
2) The willpower to not smack the shit out of my annoying co-workers.
3) That my kids aren’t ugly, because let’s face it, America is an abyss of vanity.
4) That my neighborhood Walgreens often has one of my favorite wines on perpetual sale.
5) For resisting the occasional urge to choke one of my children or smother my husband in his sleep.
6) That my 3 year-old son seems like he’s going tobe well endowed; hopefully he’ll learn to work it well when he becomes sexually active (but please, sweet baby Jesus, wear protection, son).
7) That my daughter hasn’t gother first period yet. (Though I can tell it’s not far away because she acts like a supreme mean girl in training sometimes; I take 33% of the blame for this.)
8) That my period only lasts two or three days.
9) For my ability to say whatever the fuck is on my mind and make people laugh, even when I’m being dead serious.
10) For surviving my late teens and early twenties without catching HIV.
11) For the dollar store; it has saved my sanity on countless occasions.
12) For TV shows that fed my fascination with sex, violence drugs, and drama..
13) For music that gives me a natural high.
14) For shower heads that give instant clitoral stimulation.
15) For my voluptuous curves … and wide-calf boots.
16) For stores like Torrid and Ashley Stewart that cater to women who want to accentuate and not hide our curves.
17) For layaway and payment arrangements.
18) For the lower gas prices we’ve been seeing lately.
19) That even though I’m married, I can fantasize about other men without feeling guilty.
20) That sometimes the cashier doesn’t check the date on my expired coupon.
21) For the person who lost a cell phone charger cord in the parking lot at work.
22) For the weekends I can sleep in and party like I did pre-brats; they give me an opportunity to recapture my youth and take a brief break from my responsibilities.
23) That after 12 years of marriage, my hubby and I still cuddle while we sleep, and we still have a great sex life.
But above all else, I’m thankful that my busy mind has the capacity to recognize the importance of the simple shit in my life.These silly, seemingly insignificant things provide an irreplaceable backdrop for the bigger things like family and health; for me, they are the foundation on which the bulk of my gratitude is built.
What little things are you grateful for?
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Born and raised in Detroit, Rocki is a thirty-something University of Michigan alumna and worn out married mother of two. She recently ditched her well-worn Psychology degree in favor of a shiny new Diploma in Broadcast Media Arts, because she wants to woo the masses with her sexy DJ voice. Known for her love of conversation and shameless use of the word “clitoris,” Rocki either charms or scandalizes her followers on her blog Rocki’s Reality as well as her Facebook page, Twitter and Instagram.
Okay, I laughed so hard at this I *may* have let out my own wicked fart. ROCKI for PRESIDENT!
Yes, part of my platform for the presidency will be to make people laugh until they fart!
Rocki, I loved this blog! I have to admit that we are thankful for about 21 of the same simple things! I won’t say which ones. ..LOL. Great job, keep it coming!
Thanks Angela! Don’t worry, you’re secret’s safe with me.
Ooops, I meant to say, “your”.