Anne of Food Retro fame only picked me to be a part of this blog tour “award” because she thought I was encouraging bad grammar among the writers at Bluntmoms.com, and she is a very vengeful person.

A very vengeful person indeed.

What Anne doesn’t realize is that I am a narcissist, and very much enjoy answering trivial questions about myself. Yes, that’s right, I do the Buzzfeed quizzes. I just don’t post the results on Facebook because I already share everything about myself on my blog and a person has to have limits.

Anyway, let the narcissism begin:

1) What Am I Working On? This is so embarrassing, but I’m working on making Huffpost my bitch. I don’t know why I cannot be satisfied with being a regular contributor on BluntmomsMamapediaScary Mommy, and Mamalode, in addition to having a pretty rocking website of my own. I just wanna have ONE FREAKING PIECE on the Huffpost!

Huffpost, why don’t you like me? *wipes tear*

 

please like me

 

Oh and I’m writing a book about marriage that I hope my husband will never, ever read because there’s this one part in there about sweaty chest-farts and I’m pretty sure he would file that under “TMI.”

I’m also learning to write sponsored content that doesn’t bore the shit out of you people and actually makes you wanna buy stuff. Writing blog posts doesn’t pay squat. Like literally, the pennies I get paid on those ads over there >>>  in my sidebar wouldn’t be enough to compel me to do a single squat. So I need to figure out other ways to get paid for spending four to five (okay, sometimes six) hours per day on the computer.

2) How Does My Work Differ From Others Of Its Genre? Most of the comments I get are along the lines of “thank you so much for putting into words exactly what I was feeling,” and “you’re fucking hilarious.” I can’t decide which one of those compliments makes me want to do more cartwheels.

3) How Do I Write/Create What I Do? With a Lenovo laptop.

4) How Does Your Writing/Creative Process Work? I try to hack up some word-vomit without thinking much about what I’m typing. From that, I break ideas into paragraphs, delete stupid crap and add awesome crap until it seems to be fairly readable crap. I almost always delete the first paragraph. That is a trick I’ve picked up along the way; the first paragraph almost always contains unnecessary intro info that no one needs to know or cares to read.

Once I feel “finished,” I re-read and find 80 billion typos and fix all those. Then I hit “publish” and, overflowing with jubilation, I go read my awesome masterpiece and find 20 billion more typos and fix them as fast as I can before you guys see them. Then, two weeks later, after the piece has run its course, I go back and read the piece one last time and find at least one more typo. Then I get super-pissed at all the people who read my post and DIDN’T TELL ME THERE WAS A FUCKING TYPO IN THERE. Jerks.

Now I have to nominate three other bloggers who I hope are also narcissists otherwise this really isn’t going to work:

1) Full Metal Mommy – she tells a story in a super-flowy way that makes you feel like you’re not even reading and than BAM!!! slaps you in the face with a joke.

2) Urban Moo Cow – her optimism is contagious.

3) Pursuit of Normal – she always manages to say exactly the thing you need to hear.

 

9 Comments

  1. No one has EVER called me an optimist. I’m sort of flattered. Or were you being sarcastic? In which case that would make so much more sense!! 🙂

    I will consider your request to feed my narcissism. xo

    • Well I read that post about moving away from the city… it was very optimistic. 😉 (seriously? Even your smile looks optimistic!) =)

    • Thanks, Steph! Does your cursor jump around on your Lenovo or is that just me? Makes me want to punch a puppy sometimes!

  2. Love this new look, girl. Don’t get too cuckoo about HuffPo. I think they’re on their way down…with the new comment section changes they’ve lost a lot of readership. Also, what they do with a lot of the posts they get..they just bury them in their “THE BLOG” section and don’t give them a whit of publicity. I say keep writing and one of your awesome posts will go crazy. Then it’ll be them coming after YOU.

  3. Pingback: I am the worst salesperson... ever. - The Pursuit of Normal

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