I’m sorry I haven’t come up with any brilliant posts lately. I haven’t felt like writing. Or sharing with people, or being sarcastic or funny or trying to “build an audience.” All I feel like doing is shopping for home decor crap (and then feeling guilty about it), donating stuff to Goodwill (makes me feel better about shopping), and exercising (grudgingly). Like pregnancy nesting, but not fun.
Except today, when I don’t want to do anything at all, because I’m sick – with the most anticlimactic cold EVER. My only symptoms are extremely dry sinuses (I scratched my eye from itching so much, and had to take out my contacts, so now I’m wearing glasses with an old prescription and can hardly see), and exhaustion. I napped on and off all day. Could. Not. Stay. Awake. Thank God Mari plays nicely by herself. I’ve never seen such an independent two-year-old. I really don’t deserve her.
I still somehow managed to accomplish the washing, drying, folding, and partial put-away of four loads of laundry – but was dizzy the whole time and I’ve never folded clothes so slowly in my life. It was through sheer force of will (and hatred of ironing) that I made it through all that folding. There is still a small stack of ironing which I will intend to do, but will never actually do. I hate ironing with the burning passion of a thousand suns. The hubs will eventually get sick of looking at the pile and iron it for me, because he knows how much I hate it. He’s nice, huh?
And I have a sore in the roof of my mouth (No freakin clue how it got there – I swear I didn’t get into any Salt & Vinegar potato chips), but for some retarded reason I thought it would be a brilliant idea to make crunchy tacos tonight. Fish tacos, at that. With the fishiest smelling fish ever. (I can’t remember what kind of fish it was and I’m too lethargic to get off the couch to go look in the freezer at the bag to get the name for you people. Suffice it to say it’s not a good idea to buy fish on sale at Wal-Mart, m-kay?) I tried to drown the fishy smell with lime juice and beer, but it totally didn’t work. When he got home, the Hubs reminded me of a trick to get rid of that smell; marinate the fish in milk prior to cooking. I knew that; my brain is somewhere else today. Lamenting the scratch on my retina, I think, and drowning in guilt that I ignored my baby all day.
Anyway, back to not being brilliant. Lately, every time my mind is on the verge of a deep thought, I squish it like a bug and rearrange the shit on my book-cases. I feel like I’m running from my thoughts. And I’m procrastinating. I have this really long to-do list, but almost every item on the list requires a phone call in order to be checked off, and I hate talking on the phone, especially to strangers. But because I have procrastinated on this list, I have a kid who is way overdue for his first teeth cleaning, a cranky knee that really needs to see a physical therapist, an insurance policy which may or may not need some attention, a neighborhood gate that I can’t open for visitors, and one of my kids’ college savings accounts that is sitting in cash and not earning crap as the stock market lumbers clumsily up the hill. But instead of completing the to-do list, I’ve chosen to look busy without actually doing anything. Like right now. I’m writing. About how I don’t feel like writing. I love irony.
Y’all ever get off-kilter like this? I’m usually pretty level. I feel so weird. I know I’ve got nothin’ to feel bad about, but I just feel in a funk and don’t really care to come out of it.Say something nice to make me feel better. I’m about to guzzle some NyQuil and hit the hay. I really should listen to the President talk. Bad citizen.
I don’t care right now. Maybe I’ll feel like being brilliant – or industrious – or a politically aware citizen – tomorrow.
My eye hurts.